scale

I don't talk much about the wedding anymore. Not in the way I used to; the intense glowing enthusiasm of  a pre-burn. I'm afraid, tempting the evil eye any further may jinx what's left of the original plan. And I say what's left because when we decided to elope, with our immediate families, we also decided that so much of what we had planned were now requisites for a wedding. In some ways, that's been a welcome challenge: airbnb wedding that has the same heart and feel of the magical inn weekend we dreamed up together. Same ceremony, less people. Same afterparty, less people. Same first dance and musicians and florists and photographers, and wedding dress... less people. 

​So, really, what we're talking about here is scale.

And some of the changes really excite me--and I will be writing about all of them individually, eventually, but for now, here's a short list:  I am officially making our wedding cake, our airbnb is seven acres and three cottages and it's a weekend where we get to have full-autonomy.

According to The Jewish Wedding Now by Anita Diamant, planning your wedding is such a reflection of the love you have for your partner and I've taken that very seriously. I have read and annotated that book, ridiculously, and keep referring to it, especially for the ceremony. For Jordan and I, the ceremony is the most important part and we really want to honor the religious and spiritual aspects of our union. We are still writing our own vows and have played a big part of piecing together a ceremony that feels like us. 

And some of the changes make me a little sad; family members whose presence, together in the same space, has always been indicative of a big milestone, who won't be there or dance the hora with us or stand as I walk down the aisle and friends who we knew would make our wedding such an amazing party. In the land of what might have been, I could have closed my eyes and described Deer Mountain Inn in excruciating detail; where people were going to enter, exit, dance, move. Where the sparklers would go off and where we would share our first dance. Alternate-reality wedding would have been spectacular but, I know, this wedding will be pretty great, too. 

Because on whatever day we sign the ketubah, and our marriage is real and binding, is the best day.